Who woulda thought it was so easy to make? It's just a bunch of fruit and sugar mixed together baked in some dough. Not only will you stink up the house all good, but you can also let it cool on the windowsill and wait till some local youths wander over so you can wing bottles at them.

To start get some indredients here. It looks like Paulie chose some flour, sugar, salt, curry, lemon juice, and whatever else tickles your fancy.

So after you cut them up them apples, pour some on some sugar and other shit. Maybe some cinnimon, or tussin.

We like to keep a well stocked kitchen, which is why Paulie is mixing everything up in a frying pan, which is ideal.

It's best to work in a clean kitchen when you are mkaing a dish. Remember that everything has a place and everything in it's place. Martha Stewart choke on that.

So now mix everything together. If you don't have a spoon, use your hand I guess. It's what our boy Paulie chose, and if it's good enough for him it sure is hell is good enough for you, so roll up dem sleeves.

Now it's time to lay down the base of the pie. Cheap-ass Paulie bought some premade shit form the store, so do that then lay it down in a pie plate.

Get your girlfriend to help make the pies. She wants to, trust me. Give her all the menial tasks too because she won't complain, and if she does just start screaming.

If you make a lattice you will need to cut up the top of the pie into strips, which is alot less fun that it looks like.

A little blurb about the night before, so me and the Hoog were at some party in this totally empty basement being those guys tryin to kick the keg at 3am, and in comes this poor sap all dressed up in a suit and tie crawling all over the ground like some sort of animal looking for his cell phone. Being naturally good guys we do the right thing and stand up to look under the cushons of our couch and lo and behold is the sweetest score ever found, ever. I'm reasonably sure we left right after we found the glasses and left the guy looking in the trashcan full of empty red cups and disposable shot glasses.

After you mix up the apples and get the base of the pie down, just pour in the substance all loosy goosy.

Its almost a running gag at this point with the whiskey on our countertop. Always Evan Williams, always around half full. Hoagie swears by the stuff, and as cheap as the stuff is, it does come from the oldest distillery in Kentucky, and as far as I'm concerned the only whiskey is from Kentucky.

Ol Paulie scrambled up some eggs to brush on the top of the pie. Not only does it make the top crispy and flaky but you can sprinkle some sugar on top to make it extra delecious.

Make sure you use a toothbrush, because as we all know, raw eggs is more effective than fluoride.

There. The pie is done, time to sit around and act like assholes.

Shootin the shit... lousy assholes.

While Paulie is making the second pie, in comes top-asshole Anders and as soon as he puts on the glasses he starts shrieking with laughter and clapping his hands.
Everyone loves the glasses. Everyone, no exceptions.

In goes the second pie, all wrapped in tinfoil.

So the pies are done, count em two
Delecious deleciousness, just for you
I sure hope you liked reading this shit
Cause there will be more, I assure you of it

I should be a professional fucking poet.

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