Easter is the day you eat chocolate.

Not as much chocolate as Halloween, but you don't get Peeps on Halloween, so it evens out somehow.

The tradition of eating chocolate goes right up there with making Easter Eggs, which is why I now present the very first uglypersonsface Easter special!

No celebration of Easter would be a celebration at all without a horrific picture of Jesus dying on a cross.
Images like this capture the true meaning of christianity.

Easter is a celebration of Jesus rising from the dead in order to prove his status as god's only son. During this time of him walking the earth, he had already died and been buried, which means his status was that of a zombie.

To properly reflect Jesus' status, I include the optional title graphic:

Easter celebrates this idea of life after death with such symbols as eggs, rabbits, and chocolate.

I understand how life can be seen by eggs, and rabbits for that matter.
Rabbits do like sex.

In all honesty, I could find nothing at all about the meaning of chocolate.
My best guess is that some chocolate company started selling Easter chocolate, and since people like eating chocolate they just went with it.

My second guess is that it symbolizes brains, the food stable of zombies, but this is less likely.


Anyway, onto the eggs:

Chicken eggs are pretty darn cheap by any standards. We have at least 3 of these 18-packs at any given time. At around $1.15 per bunch, this amounts to a little less than 7 cents an egg.

Easter eggs are made with PAAS color kits, and I don't care what anyone says. The kit cost me 99 cents, and includes the following:

That's right. 99 cents. I made a dozen eggs with this thing, but there's enough dye to make 10 times that.

The stickers could have been a little more plentiful, or at least with less ducks. Where the hell were the ducks when Jesus was getting his hands nailed to that cross. Lousy heathen ducks.

First things first, we gotta hardboil the eggs by putting them in boiling water. I recommend a spoon to lower them in.

It's hard to tell in the picture but I was just dropping them in at first and a couple of them cracked and some egg-material leaked through and started to cook.

You can keep cooking them however, it all depends on how much 7 cents is worth to you.

The directions call for vinegar and water for the dye, and then the eggs can be dropped inside and forgotten about.

The directions call for 3 teaspoons of vinegar and a half cup of water, but even this isn't enough to fully cover the eggs, so some of them were left with unsightly patches.

These patches are also known as the egg's "Crown of Thorns".

PAAS has provided us with a drying rack built right into the box! You may notice there are two blues, which could be seen as a serious lack of vision, but in reality is a genius move by the PAAS company to make the other colors rarer, and therefore, more exciting.

Also included are little plastic sheets that we boil onto the eggs.

I promise you I shat my pants while doing this it was so much fun.

PAAS even gives us a bunch of cardboard strips that we can fashion into egg stands, for the ultimate Easter celebration.
Any easter egg kit without these strips would be a true travesty.


So the eggs are complete, and I only had to go through two sets of pants.

The real fun comes after we finish making the eggs, because now it's time for the...


The rules were done a little differently, more specifically there were no rules. I just hid them for people to find, or to be left as a wonderful Easter suprise for the landlord or the next tenants.

For everyone's slight enjoyment, here are the hiding places:

The old medicine cabinet.

Inside one of those mystery shoes.

Far corner of the basement, near the ceiling.

Inside the old chimney.

Top corner of the stairway.

In the downstairs window behind the stairs.

Behind the foundation, above the ceiling.

Inside the old furnace.



Yay for easter.


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