Who wants some sweet sweet Jemima Patties? How about with some delecious brown sugah sauce? Oh, ya like that shit, doncha. Yeah. Oh yeah. Toss an apple in there too, theres room.

So prep yourself, cause it's a recipe article, titled:


So I haven't posted any pictures of the new apartment I realize. I hope this warms all the cockholes of your heart:

Home, sweet home.

So lets do this.

Firstly, find an apple. Is it apple season yet? I dont know.. I suppose apples will get cheaper once fall hits, maybe. All I know is I fucking hate Red Delecious apples. They're tasteless, expensive, and eating one reminds me of biting into a candle. I will never ever understand why red delecious apples are so popular.

Did I buy this apple?

No. I don't own apples.

But roomate Tom does, so gee, thanks for the apple Tom.

And peel that shit. I found out that we have one of the dullest peelers on this side of the Missisip. Really, I spent almost a full minute peeling that apple but maybe it was just the wax.

So cut up the apple, and put it on the oven with some brown sugar, a healthy slab o butter and some cinnamon.

Someone once told me that brown sugar doesn't burn and I thought they were full of shit, until I made this with regular granulated sugar and let me tell you something about burned sugar... its smells like ass.

That said, just throw it in a pot and turn the heat to low.

Pour some MSG in there too. You won't regret it.

Look at this. 24 bottles for $10. Try to beat that, I dare you. Another thing I will never understand is the person that stands in front of a freezer door, looks and sees that there is indeed 24 beers selling for $10, sturdy carboard case and all, and instead reaches to the $8 six-pack of imported Honeyfuck Shitbrew with gold lettering.

I'm not angry really. I just prefer cheap beer.

Oh yeah, we have cats now. Two of them. I think naming cats is silly, so you might as well give them silly names. I like to call the Grey one Meowth, and the black one Belvezarr. So SILLY.

Ok honestly? I lobbied to name them Slut and Monger.

So when you buy a box of Jemima powder, there's two brands, both costing $2.25. One requires milk, eggs, oil and "whisking". The other requires tap water and a fork. All you have to ask yourself is, how much do you really like to whisk.

The goofy red haired kid on the back cracks me up, and not just because red heads are funny.

I decided to do a little Photoshopping, just to see how I would be as a Jemima spokesman.

Why I'm not beating away modeling gigs with a stick, I don't know.


Oh yeah I lied, I was only laughing at the kid cause of his hair.

Measuring is for chumps. Remember, we're dealing with Jemima Powder here; it's impossible to do wrong.

If you pour the pancake batter on a cold pan though, it's going to suck. Splash a little water and if it sizzles, then it's ready.

I think I saw Iron Chef Morimoto do that.

When it's bubbily you know it's time to flip it.

So then I got impatient so I just poured the rest of the batter in, as a fun experiment to see if I could flip it in the air.

And I did it! With minimal burning and minimal splattage.

Oh baby. Jemima Patties in full force here tonight folks. Laws yes. Eat that shit. Eat it.


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